Next monday its our birthday and co inciding with that is a test and prac test but also close by sits Easter. Now easter like every year for the last many many years of our life sits and alter whose pain lies in the terrible torment of Easter gone by.
Every year she starts saying at this time of year i dont want to go to ground. Each year we know what this means its means she doesnt want to be buried in the ground. Each year she pleads for it to get better, so that she cant hear the thump on the box as dirt is thrown on top of her box, the smell the heat the terror and finally the last breath as she fails to take it. Each year we hope this year will be better this year will be a year she wont remember, each year we hear the same thing I dont want to go to ground.
For this six year old she knows she isnt really going to ground but in her memories her flashbacks her pain she is going there. As she lay on the floor at therapy today with Rachel she felt herself going back there, she did all that mr wonka had shown her but alas the pain of the memory unhealed is far too great for her to handle. She relives this terrible place each year. And as we sat humbled on the floor talking to rachel we knew something.
Unless we start getting healing for these littles and stop playing everything is ok then each year this six year old will go to ground in her nightmares. So fearful have we been to make sure therapy and even the therapist isnt mon we are stunting our own therapy growth for fear it might end up like mon. Today as i told rachel what she was doing was helping i also knew something else we have to allow rachel to do her job and help us, thats what she does for a living she helps people so i know what to do and i know that in order for Rachel and mr wonka to really help us we have to let go and let them do their work. I need this six year old to know that going to ground isnt an option now in the future, and i know that both mr wonka and Rachel can help her in that, its time for us to let them.